Propose and negotiate divorce agreements

List some of your goals or interests for the future

For some decisions in your divorce, it makes sense to think at first in terms of goals, interests, and concerns. Thinking in terms of goals and interests can help start negotiations in a positive manner.

You may find that you and your spouse share similar goals or interests so you can work together to meet the goals. Once you and your spouse are clear on these, you can start to talk more about specifics about how to meet those goals. 

Figure out what you already agree on

Think about what you already agree on. Starting from points of agreement can help you move on to tackle what you don't agree about. This helps you identify points of disagreement.

You can propose an agreement about all the issues in your divorce. Or, it can help to go through issues in steps.

Property agreement

• List all your community property and debts 

• Propose who will get or be responsible for each item

You can talk through or send your list back and forth to come up with an agreement. 

Typically, you each end up with a roughly equal share. If you do not end up with a roughly equal share, you can make the values equal. This is known as an equalizing payment.  

Spousal support agreement

First, decide if either of you will pay or receive spousal support. If so, you'll need to discuss:

• The amount of support 
• How long the support will last
• How payments will be made 

You can negotiate about amount and length.  For example,  

• The paying spouse could start paying more and then pay less over time

• The paying spouse could pay a high amount each month, but for a shorter amount of time 

Child custody and parenting time agreement 

You’ll need to discuss and agree on:

• Who will have legal custody or if you will share it (called “joint”) 

  Legal custody deals with who makes important decisions in your children’s life, like education, health care, and more. 

• Who will have physical custody or if you will share it 

  Physical custody is who your children live with most of the time. If you share your children close to equal time, it can also be joint.  

• How you will share parenting time

  Parenting time, also called visitation, is the plan for how you will each share time with your children, including school days, weekends, holidays, vacations, and special occasions. 

Child support agreement

You'll need to discuss and agree on: 

• The court's amount of “guideline” support 

  A judge will only approve an agreement if they know how much child support would be if you went to court. This is called “guideline” child support. You can agree to a different amount but still need to tell the court the “guideline” number.  

• Who will pay for health insurance 

  In addition to child support, you must also agree which parent will be responsible for health insurance for your children. Health insurance is required if it is available at a reasonable cost.  

• Who will pay for other expenses 

  In addition to child support, parents can also agree how they will pay for other things like child care, uncovered medical expenses, and travel expenses for visitation.  

Sometimes just having someone who is not involved in your case explain things can help you reach an agreement. 

• See what services your Self-Help Center offers or suggests 

  In some Self-Help Centers, the staff can meet with you and your spouse. They can’t give you legal advice, but they can offer information about the law and tools that others have used to reach an agreement. If they don't offer this type of help, they may know of local organizations that do. 

• Find out what services local lawyers offer 

  While it can be very expensive to hire a lawyer to handle your whole case, many lawyers charge less to work with you on specific parts of your case. Ask if they offer mediation or will do a consultation.  

• Find out about mediation programs in your community 

  Many counties have mediation programs that help people work out agreements.