Propose and negotiate custody and support agreements

Think of what's in the best interest of your child

For some parenting decisions, it makes sense to think at first in terms of goals, interests, and concerns you have for your child. Thinking in terms of goals and interests can help start negotiations in a positive manner.

You may find that you share similar goals or interests for your child, so you can work together to meet the goals. Once you are clear on these, you can start to talk more about specifics about how to meet those goals. 

Figure out what you already agree on

Think about what you already agree on. Starting from points of agreement can help you move on to tackle what you don't agree about. This helps you identify points of disagreement.

You can propose an agreement about all the issues. Or, it can help to go through issues in steps. Sometimes it helps to separate custody ad parenting time from child support.

Child custody and parenting time agreement 

You’ll need to discuss and agree on:

• Who will have legal custody or if you will share it (called “joint”) 

  Legal custody deals with who makes important decisions in your children’s life, like education, health care, and more. 

• Who will have physical custody or if you will share it 

  Physical custody is who your children live with most of the time. If you share your children close to equal time, it can also be joint.  

• How you will share parenting time

  Parenting time, also called visitation, is the plan for how you will each share time with your children, including school days, weekends, holidays, vacations, and special occasions. 

Child support agreement

You'll need to discuss and agree on: 

• The court's amount of “guideline” support 

  A judge will only approve an agreement if they know how much child support would be if you went to court. This is called “guideline” child support. You can agree to a different amount but still need to tell the court the “guideline” number.  

• Who will pay for health insurance 

  In addition to child support, you must also agree which parent will be responsible for health insurance for your children. Health insurance is required if it is available at a reasonable cost.  

• Who will pay for other expenses 

  In addition to child support, parents can also agree how they will pay for other things like child care, uncovered medical expenses, and travel expenses for visitation.  

Sometimes just having someone who is not involved in your case explain things can help you reach an agreement. 

• See what services your Self-Help Center offers or suggests 

  In some Self-Help Centers, the staff can meet with you and the other parent. They can’t give you legal advice, but they can offer information about the law and tools that others have used to reach an agreement. If they don't offer this type of help, they may know of local organizations that do. 

• Find out what services local lawyers offer 

  While it can be very expensive to hire a lawyer to handle your whole case, many lawyers charge less to work with you on specific parts of your case. Ask if they offer mediation or will do a consultation.  

• Find out about mediation in your court

  Each county court offers mediation where professionals help parents come up with a parenting plan agreement. They will not help with issues about child support, but they can help you develop a plan for how you will make decisions about your child's care and well-being, where your child will live, and how your child spends time with each parent. In order to get an appointment with a mediator, you will need to ask for a court date. If you do not agree in mediation, a judge will make a decision.